Found Space - Nothing to Lose

Sit awhile within the Space afforded.

I am a planner. An organizer. I need all events to go smoothly, as planned. I prepare. I intentionally go over the next day's events so that I am ready before my feet hit the floor the next morning. Most times my organization keeps our family ship afloat and might I dare say, sailing calmly with the breeze.

Before summer had even whispered its name I had curriculum picked out and projects planned for my Littles. The days had been counted and sliced into nice neat packages. 10 weeks of learning the alphabet, math, social studies, science, parks, friends, beaches, reading, hikes, biking and so on. Every day, planned out. A successful summer before it even began.

To be honest though I wasn't looking forward to summer. I wanted it to be clean, precise and then over and back to school. Don't get me wrong, I of course wanted my kids to have a good time and with all my planning they sure as better have fun! But I was already thinking of October. As soon as I finish planning I skip over the present moment and go on to planning the next big hurdle. A glorified tour guide, never really seeing the sights.

Circumstances in life tug on you, try to get you think about things with a different perspective. My not-so-little Bundle of Joy's recent cycle of sickness and all of our Lost Time definitely tried to undo my organization - my clear and concise way of living. But I would always fight back. I had a tight grip on the future and knew what it should look like. I did not want to waste any Time.

So it was quite a surprise to me when I began to look forward to living within the present summer season. I began to listen more attentively to my Little's questions and we engaged in open ended conversations and silly hyperboles. I began to appreciate lazy pancake mornings. I swam with my Littles instead of sitting on the shore looking at my watch. I happily rode a bike, had water squitter battles and looked for treasures with my Littles. Each day there seemed to be Space within Time where I could just be and enjoy - breathe. This found Space was intriguing.

My pre planning Time sequence of events still marched on succinctly this summer however a  new Space opened itself up. Today on our last day of summer we ventured out to Seward Park. There was a schedule to keep however and I knew we had to be back for dinner, showers and early before school bedtimes. After playing at the park, dipping into the lake, picnic ing, and bike riding around the peninsula my Littles and I found ourselves back at the zipline swing. One more time, started adding up to too many times and I started looking at the clock.

"Mom, you should really try this!" my 9 year old Loyal Companion belted out after zipping down and jumping off. I wasn't sure but decided I had nothing to lose and jumped onto the swing. My Littles pushed me out over the ledge and I zipped down, hit to end and swung high into the air. A smile tickled my face. I had figured it out.  I had nothing to lose. In that instant I realized how much Time I have lost to planning, preparing and coordinating. Wasted days organizing the next days.

In that instant, on the zipline swing, I felt so sad and envious of my Lost Time. I was angry at myself for selfishly using my living days to plan my not-yet-lived days. Not much more could be lost.

I found the Space within Time to line up again for the zipline swing. My Littles and I zipped over and over again for we had everything to gain.

Finding the Space within Time to live within the present moment is important. We can get so caught up in the planning of our lives that we never really live our lives. We have everything to gain from stealing back the present moment from Lost Time and carving out Space to live - to breathe.