I am never going to climb out of full time motherhood. I am in it to win it. The complexities of life however, like to creep in. And to be quite honest, I allowed the complex world back in. I opened myself up. I spat in its face.
I now find myself juggling a full time job (do I have to keep saying "outside of the home"?), two wonderful children with different drop off and pick up schedules, nannying an imaginative, sweet boy in the afternoons, sports schedules, dinner schedules, homework, popcorn Fridays, library days, lunches, laundry, advent, probes landing on a comet, minecraft, sight words, vegetables and a husband -- you get the idea. I'm barely sleeping. But I'm totally rolling with it. True and simple.
There are times however that life blows me away, causes me to stop in my tracks, and have no other option but to pay reverence.
A woman, who unfortunately for me does not have a name because I was too busy with trees, woods, warm hands, soccer and traffic to stop and take note, decided to stick with me.
We watch our kids play soccer after school and we talk. We laugh about the frozen weather, I ask her about her dinner plans and we chat about common friends. She has a smile for me every time I spot her. She's real. No makeup, sporting the yoga pants because she really did just work out, a skip in her step and a brilliant smile.
We meet up at the soccer cage most days after school. But today was different. We spotted each other in a different area, crossing the street with backpacks in hands, the crossing guards asking for us to hurry, she turned around and looked into my eyes and asked me how the new job was going. I wasn't fully engaged and had to ask her to repeat her question and then I mouthed out how busy it all was. She smiled and disappeared and all I was left with were my thoughts.
Had I been too preoccupied with myself to learn her name? Or for that matter, anything about her? What were her big struggles this week? I simply did not know.
Later in the week we spotted each other at the soccer cage and she again engaged me and pelted me with questions. She answered most my questions with amazing, simple, concrete, spiritual, off the cuff answers, smiling the whole time. And then she disappeared again.
I chided myself for not knowing her name and reminded myself that this is the type of person I should be seeking out. A true friend. A warm, happy soul.
There are countless times in my life that I have walked right past one of these souls. I am too preoccupied with myself. There were always diapers that needed changing, facebook to check, houses to clean, dinners to make, showers to be had and pictures to take.
Re-enering the workforce, rearranging some of my Time, letting go of old priorities and opening myself up to the complexities of life has caused a shift. It is no longer about me. It is about you. I genuinely want to know your name. I want to understand your hardships. I want to be joyful with you. I deeply feel that we would make great friends.
So...thank you for seeking me out, asking me tough questions, always giving me a smile, showing up in yoga pants and no make up, and for always knowing my name. I am ready to ask your name again and this time I am ready to remember it.