I was given a beautiful, colorful, surprising gift and a confession that had to be made. The gift - five excellent years of work (outside the home) after my first child was born. The confession - I don't regret one day of it.
This post is dedicated to My Love, without whom I am nothing. Thank you for supporting my crazy decision to stay at home these past three years. From you I have learned resolve, with you gained confidence, by you taught love.
*************************************
Standing in the too long Safeway checkout line, wondering if I could eek by in the express checkout I am suddenly transfixed. My kids are arguing, one is being just a bit too loud, the other a bit too babyish. Both are unloading the cart with me but at the same time both have one arm hanging on me, asking for gum or anything else that will rot their teeth. The little one has to potty, the older one is staring at magazines. Both keep sarcastically rousing each other... and then there is only one item left in the cart and they both lunge for it. One gets their finger stuck the other is triumphant and knows how to gloat.
I watch it all. Smile at the checker, pretend to ignore the beasts at my feet and continue on my journey. My blood pressure stayed in check. No adrenaline surges. No elderly female person telling me to enjoy these moments. Paid in full for groceries. Now on to unload (into the car) and reload (into the fridge).
These beasts are my children. My precious children. I love them. I love watching, observing their behavior, predicting who will win each argument, wondering if they will ever grow up to be upstanding citizens. An awesome experiment.
My gift....I have only been here for three years, only two more years to go and I will be back in the work force full time. Five years in total to be completely, wholeheartedly with my children. Only five years. Only five years. Only five years.
My confession...I am so happy to have had full time work the first five years of my oldest son's life. It has helped me to cherish each moment (the good, the bad and the ugly) that I have with my kids. I am not tired, I am not burned out, I am not overwhelmed. I have only two more years, and then I will be given back the gift of full time work (outside the house).
An experiment with outcomes that will far exceed any expectation I might have had.