Why does the middle so enchant me? I yearn to go beyond but cannot unstick myself. Opposites attract. Or, in my case, I dwell on what could become of the merge. The two opposites, finally connecting, compromising, merging, as one. Authentic meets Intentional. I cannot decide which opposite suits me. You may qualify this as a bit crazy. I would agree. Especially given my personality of black and white thinking. ...But there are times (when I am alone) that the opposite game just doesn't work. I am thinking about my being. My personhood. My identity. My nature.
You know of the conflict I am speaking about. We all deal with this. We want so much to show our true feelings, to let it all hang out. We want people to know us deeply. We want love that comes to us unconditionally, no matter the makeup or fashions of the day. Confusingly, we also so need/want to look nice. We need the pretty package. We plan, think and strive to look and say smart pretty little sayings. Our lives have to have the most intentional ribbons tied around it. We have to at least show others how amazing we are. Authentic meets Intentional.
We played little bear this morning in bed, my two kids and me. My smallest is always the most crowded bear and she kicks us all off the bed, laughing that she is the only one left with all the blankets. My oldest today wanted to be the littlest. We complied. He sang the song, but at the end he belted out, "roll over, roll over, and they all came closer and the littlest one said, I'm happy."
There HAS to be a happy middle point. I cannot live in the Authentic world for too long but get so bogged down in my Intentional world. So, I have determined to live Intentionally Authentic and Authentically Intentional. I know that this doesn't make any sense. But for me, I am happy, I have discovered the middle and am content to continue to dissect these feelings until one of my own pulls me in an opposite direction.