So many of us get stuck, thinking we deserve something so much more. More out of our relationships. More out of our history. More out of our future. More out of our children, our parents. More out of our jobs, our bank accounts and our grocery bill. When we get caught demanding more for ourselves we cannot possibly give the grace that others need so much. My Grandma's life, her being, deserves this grace right now.
Grace is the ultimate best gift we can give anyone. No one truly deserves a do-over or for that matter forgiveness. When someone wrongs us they deserve our punishment, right? The reason.....there is never just one wrong. Usually there is a series of wrongs that hurt us, make us angry, sad, make us feel insufficient or deficient. These wrongs usually do not stop even when we grant a do-over. They do not deserve our grace.
In the middle of thinking and writing about this my so big three year old had a break in her good mood. She got grumpy started demanding things of me. I told her politely that her behavior was unacceptable and that she would need a nap if it kept up. She kept it up. I was a little annoyed for being interrupted. I looked at her and said, "you know what you deserve?" She stopped crying immediately thinking that some sort of punishment was about to be handed out. "You deserve a nap but I am going to give you a great big hug instead," I said. We sat and snuggled together. I got her laughing and she went about her business.
Some parents however do not easily hand out forgiveness and their children are left harboring guilt, resentment and a sense that they deserve more from their parent. This attitude seeps into all aspects of these grown up children's lives. In order to heal, they need to show forgiveness, or grace. But, in order for them to forgive they in turn need forgiveness.This puts us all in a bit of a quandary. Who should forgive first?
Whether it is a parent/child relationship, a friendship or a romantic endeavour, grace MUST be included. None of us end the way we started. Our intentions get messed with. We forget to do our best. We simply don't want to be nice. We have also been wronged and we in turn take it out on others. We grow old. We change. Our memories add up and we are not as light or innocent as when we started out. It shouldnt be about who forgives first. Grace should be built into our everyday actions so that this isnt even/ever a question.
My Grandma has lived a long life. She is still living a long life. As with all of us, I'm sure she has regrets and lost ambitions. This should be recognized and celebrated as being human. We are all human. We all mess up. We all need do-overs. Today is the best day to give someone a do-over. Likewise there is no better time to decide to give yourself a do-over. Continue giving grace, dont wait for someone to ask for it or to give it to you.