November 6th marks four years since I decided to quit my job to be home full time with my kids. As my Loyal Companion, 9 year old son always says, "it goes slow when you're in it but fast when you look back on it."
Since that day 4 years ago, I have not missed going into the office. I actually like taking my showers later in the day in between bouts of Curious George and Sid the Science Guy.
I love pulling on yoga pants and a t-shirt in the morning; applying deodorant, running my hands through my hair and walking back out through the bathroom door within 3 minutes. When I do catch a glimpse of myself passing by a mirror or a glass paned door, in between the constant carpools and grocery store runs, I see strength and confidence.
I treasure the greeting of my kids in the morning, making breakfast and sitting a while. All smiles, planning our next big adventure.
I enjoy driving slowly to school pointing out the changing of the leaves to yellows and reds. My Bundle of Joy in the back seat singing to herself ever so softly asks me when it will snow. Flipping on my phone I see that my Loyal Companion made it to school with his gang of friends and I text him back goofy love messages that he conveniently ignores.
My long walks in between the rain showers are lovely. My mind wanders around and noodles on life's questions, my body breathes in health and my spirit gains balance. As I walk through my front door I am accosted by tiny spirits that linger in the air and waft through the rooms. As I clean house their memories surround me and I am comforted.
Other mornings I forgo my long walks and my heart swells with joy as I enter the school to perform my volunteer duties. As I catch a glimpse of my children they smile mischievous smiles and I make it a point to learn all their friends names.
As my Bundle of Joy disembarks from the bus I delight in park time with friends. As I watch my daughter swing higher and higher I begin to unravel new friendships. As she scales the park equipment and sways from one monkey bar to the next, I begin to plan dinner.
I savor lunchtime with my Bundle of Joy. She opens up about her day and we imagine together. We eat whatever and where ever we want. As she flits off to enjoy her room I pick up my broom, empty the trash, clean counters, prepare after school snacks and find uniforms and equipment for all the after school activities. Bags packed.
I revel in my Loyal Companion's smile when he sees me waving at him through a sea of elementary kids. His big bear hug is all I need. His friends crowd around us and we talk about the next time we should all get together. Sometimes with no schedule, we make plans for the now and he and his friends drop their backpacks at my feet and gallop off to the soccer cage. I am pleased to carry the packs, knowing that my son is free from school, free from structure, free to play uninhibited.
Other times when there is no time after school, I admire my Loyal Companion's fast trot back to the car. We scoot off down the hill - just enough time on the road to change into uniforms and guzzle down snacks. It pleases me to hear the snacks being crunched loudly, the crumbs somehow symbolizing the nurturing sustenance I have given them.
I love that we argue over homework during the dinner hour and that once started, it hardly takes any time at all. I savor all the Fairy books I have ever read to my daughter and the twinkle in her eye that develops during any suspense or danger. I cherish a quick ping pong game with my Loyal Companion after his sister is in bed. I am crazy about the fact that my Loyal Companion still likes to be read to and even through my eyelids are drooping I love listening to him tell me stories about his day.
As I descend the stairs I begin to think about lunches, tupperware and water thermoses. I cherish the quietness as I create healthy lunches and begin to ponder breakfast.
I'm off to bed too late but take pleasure in checking on my kids, rearranging their bed covers and kissing them lightly on their ruffled heads, knowing that at least one more time I will be back before the sun decides to wake.
Each day, each passing hour has gone so slow, but as I look back on it, everything has gone so fast. Too fast. Knowing that the speed limit changes to hyperdrive once the moment is over I am remembering to cherish and breathe. I know that there might come a day when I will begrudgingly take a shower early in the morning, put on nice clothes, sneak out before my kids wake up and return home sometimes when they are already asleep.
For now though I will continue to respect the slow passing of time, the new phases, the milestones, every sickness, new friendships, the cleaning, the laughter, the cries, the hugs, the lack of sleep, the lunches and everything in between.
