I sat in my car at a gas station today. Both kids off to school. Both kids tucked neatly away. I blanked out. I quickly gazed up at the price of gas, cheerful that it was under $4.00. I remembered reading something that the price had been falling lately...I heard two men chatting casually regarding building big things...And then I saw her. The Mom.
From across the street I spotted her.
Her long brown hair cascading around her. In one arm she held an almost 3 year old. Her four year old had already bolted down the porch steps and into the yard collecting leaves and throwing them up into the air, everywhere. She walked with purpose. In her other arm she held two (no three) bags full of blankets, toys, food, a wallet, medicine and anything else she might have thought prudent to stick in, in those last moments of goodbye. She walked down her porch stairs to her white SUV, walked into the street and around the car and tried to open the backseat. It was locked. My gaze settled. I was no longer sitting in a gas station. I was a part of her life.
She looked immediately around for her almost four year old and spotted him too close to the street (following her of course).She yelled something at him. He smiled and ran off. She tried the driver's door, locked too. Where were her keys? I wanted to find them for her. Run to her with them. Scoop up her kids. Give her a smile. She backed off the street. Put her two year old down and started digging through her numerous bags. Her two year old ran off. Picked up a stick. Started swinging at the older one. She look furiously up at them.Warning them with her body language, unable to budge from her bags. Needing keys to move forward. I wanted to go to her. Stroke her hair. Magically find the keys. Buckle her kids into her car. Bring her a latte. Sit with her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Now she looked mad. Keys had been found. Two year old was being picked up. The four year old though would not listen to her. I saw her count. He starred her down. She finally turned away. Walked back into the street. Buckled the two year old into his carseat and then ran after her four year old. Finally he was in the car. She was in the car. I hoped (more than ANYTHING) during this ordeal that she had kept her keys in her pocket. And then she drove away, gone. I was mesmerized. I couldn't move. There was something so real about what I had just witnessed. I felt embarrassed for watching her. I felt ashamed. I felt as if I had just observed something wrong, a crime.
No crime had been committed. It was just a mother doing her job to the best of her ability at the time in which life decided to throw her a curve ball. How many times had this happened to me? Stressed to the max. Unable to see through my own lenses. Unable to enjoy the humor. Needing to get somewhere. Weighted down. Tired. Sore. Tense. Angry. Wronged. And then the keys go missing.
I sat at the gas station and cried. I cried for her, I cried for her boys, I cried for me, I cried for my own children. So easy to give advice from across the street. "Give up!" I thought. "Who cares about the keys. Run with your boys. Throw leaves into the air. Enlist their help. Play a game. Or go back inside and turn on the TV, " I had wanted to scream all of this to her. At the same time I knew there was a clock ticking, numbers counting down, kids to deploy, people to impress, another day to fullfill. I knew it. I felt her. I felt the clock. I felt the time.
I wanted to tuck her kids safely away for her. Pull her into my car. Smile at her. Enjoy the quiet with her. Then she was gone. The gas meter clicked at me and I was on my way. Off to figure out my day. There was a time to keep. Kids to pick up. Groceries to be bought. A house to be cleaned. A dinner to be made. Homework to be had. Teeth to be brushed.
The next time I spotted my kids I tried not to hurry. I tried to forget about time. I tried to enjoy the little pleasures. I tried being a friend, instead of a Mom. It felt good. I smiled. I drank some coffee and sat back to watch my little spirits flirting this way and that. Stopping time felt nice. I was relaxed. I cried a bit. I wished for the company of that other Mom.
My only tip to all mothers out there - ALWAYS know where your keys are...Or....decide to give up, and join your kids in a joyous moment of laughter and movement. No matter what though, just remember we are building big things and the foundation is by far the most important.
No comments:
Post a Comment